Monday, 16 September 2013

KFC Zinger Pie Review: Part II

Hello KFC,

My first Zinger Pie review may have seemed somewhat harsh, but please don't take it the wrong way. I think you've been doing a stellar job assisting Australia's Type 2 diabetes epidemic. However, smothering shredded factory-farmed chicken in fatty afterbirth, then baking it into an insipid pastry sarcophagus just seems a little careless. Frankly, I think we deserve better. Did you know that Australia is ONLY the fifth fattest nation on Earth? I know, really embarrassing. While I truly appreciate your efforts to get us to the top of the list, I just don't think the Zinger Pie has what it takes to get us there...

Just have a look at it. Personally, I think your food stylist should've gone to Specsavers, unless of course, they were going for the "weeping vagina on a poster in the waiting room of a sexual health clinic" look. Honestly, if someone asked me to draw Paris Hilton's vulva, It'd look eerily similar to this, but with more rust-coloured discharge... and more penises in it.

I'm guessing that the product development team in charge of this monstrosity, consisted of two stoners debating which foodstuff most effectively tames the munchies - pies or KFC. As fast-food pioneers, surely you can come up with better ideas than this. I mean, it's not exactly groundbreaking is it? It's just a pie, that seems to have somehow contracted the Ebola virus. What happened to the innovative concepts, like serving 21 pieces of fried chicken in a bucket, and the Double Down, or as I like the call it, the "FUCK YOU INSULIN!" burger.

Come to think of it, my portrait of Paris' genitals would probably look more like this one. I bet she's had a few "Double Downs", know what I'm saying? Anyway, sorry for jabbering on all this time. What was it that you wanted to chat about?


Rich Wisken.