Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Twice in One Hour!

Dear Secure Parking,

Last Thursday, I parked my Mum’s purple Honda Civic at your Riley Street parking lot in Darlinghurst. Why am I driving my Mum’s purple Honda Civic? Well, I recently sold my 1991 Subaru Brumby and haven’t found a suitable replacement yet. Unfortunately the Delorean from Back to the Future is still travelling through time to find a cure for Parkinson’s disease and President Obama won’t sell Air Force One.

I parked the car for one hour and thirteen minutes, between the hours of 1:36pm and 2:49pm at a total cost of $40.17. This included a surcharge of $1.17, which I can only assume is for the inconvenience of using my Visa card, rather than feeding $39 worth of ten cent pieces into your pay station’s coin slot. Next time I promise to be more considerate.

Paying this amount of money for one hour of parking seems exorbitant to me; here’s why:

Hypothetically, if someone named Rich went to Darlinghurst to visit a working girl named Destiny, at a brothel situated within walking distance of your parking lot; how much do you think he would pay per hour for her services? I know; the irony of a prostitute named Destiny is not lost on me either. Anyway, say Destiny charges $150 per hour - hypothetically. That’s only $111 more per hour than you charge for parking a car on a bare concrete surface. Do you think Rich faces an equitable predicament, considering the services rendered by both parties? I bet Rich wouldn’t think so. In fact, I reckon he’d know exactly what it feels like to be fucked twice in one hour.

I was wondering if there are any extra costs involved for parking on one of the upper-levels. Is there some kind of admission fee for using the stairwell to get to the ground floor? I only ask because I noticed that someone painstakingly recreated a scene from a Kings Cross public toilet in there. The pungent smell of stale urine was spot-on and the used prophylactic slumped over one of the stairs like a lifeless sea cucumber, was the icing on the urinal cake. Bravo to your art department for designing such an authentic installation.

If my parking cost was so high because of the entry fee to your stairwell gallery, please disregard this letter. If however, the use of the stairwell is complimentary, can you please inform “Rich” and I why the cost of parking in your car park, is relatively expensive when compared to shagging a hooker in a licensed bordello.


Rich Wisken