Saturday, 8 June 2013

Christian Adams - "Psychic Medium and Energy Healer"

Christian Adams is a Psychic Medium and Energy Healer. To win a free twenty minute reading and see a photo of Christian discovering water on Mars, please CLICK HERE. I really hope I win the competition, but before I enter, I'd like to learn a bit more about Christian's skills.

Greetings Christian,

I would really love to win a free twenty minute reading, but first I’d like to get a better understanding of the services you provide. There are a few things in your Facebook bio, which don't really make sense to someone not of the spirit world. If you happen to find some time between chatting with ghosts and reading auras, could you please get back to me with your answers?

What exactly does a Psychic Medium do? Please forgive me, but all of my supernatural knowledge comes from the movie Ghost, starring Patrick Swayze and Ashton Kutcher’s Mum. Unfortunately, the only bit I remember is when Mrs. Kutcher is elbow deep in a slab of clay, whilst listening to Unchained Melody, when a shirtless Swayze comes in and completely fucks everything up, because he’s horny and has zero respect for pottery. As you can see, that particular scene has nothing to do with the spirit world, hence the reason why I’m hoping you're able to educate me.

I’m also curious as to what an “Energy healer” does. Has it got anything to do with comforting people who have unreasonably high electricity bills? If so, I could really use your help, seeing as it’s winter and all. Another impressive accolade that shouldn't go unnoticed, is the fact that you're a 'Reiki master in Usui Reiki, Seichim Reiki and Karuna Reiki'. I think I've heard of those guys, are they the Fijian rugby playing triplets? If so, what sparked your interest in rugby playing brethren from the tropics, and how long did it take to become a master?

Your 'ability to read auras, through psychometry and the use of Titania’s Fortune Cards' sounds pretty cool too, although I’m a bit sceptical of fortunes, ever since the time I was given one in a cookie at a Chinese restaurant. It read, 'You will soon be honoured by someone you respect'. It should've declared, 'The chicken wasn’t cooked properly, enjoy the diarrhoea'. Trust me, you could’ve smelled my aura that day Christian.

I’m not sure if you’re aware, but there are people out there who don’t believe in what you do. For instance, I have a mate named Rich, who thinks psychics are full of shit. He reckons they’re a bunch of fraudulent, thieving con artists, who pray on the weak and vulnerable for their own financial gain. What an idiot! He also thinks that being a psychic today is so much easier, thanks to Google and various social media formats. What would Rich know though? He's such a moron!

If I win the free reading, I’m going to give it to Rich, so you can prove to him that it's not a prerequisite to suffer from mental illness, in order to talk to ghosts. I bet he’ll change his tune as soon as you introduce 'Albert', your spirit doctor. It’s not Fat Albert by any chance is it? I only ask because he’s probably dead by now - seeing as he was a prime candidate for heart disease and type 2 diabetes. He would definitely make an excellent spirit doctor though, mainly because of the positive educational lessons he and Bill Cosby taught the kids every episode.

Well Christian, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can either email, or send a spirit to summon me. If you choose the latter, please let me know when I should expect them, because I often watch the Ghostbusters trilogy and I don't want to make a bad first impression.

Transcendent regards,

Rich Wisken

P.S. I forgot to mention that I really like your tattoos bro, are they Fijian?